It’s 2 AM. Again. You’re rocking, bouncing, shushing—doing everything the books and Instagram experts told you would work. But your baby still won’t sleep.
If you’re feeling frustrated, exhausted, and maybe even questioning whether you’re doing something wrong, you’re not alone. Every mom has asked herself: Why won’t my baby sleep?
The reality is that sleep isn’t just about schedules and wake windows. While they can be helpful, they don’t work the same way for every baby as every individual has their own particular set of needs when it comes to sleep. And that’s where the stress sets in—when what worked for your best friend’s baby isn’t working for yours.
But there’s good news. With a holistic approach, you can adopt a more flexible take on sleep, reduce frustration, and set up your little one (and yourself!) for better, more restful nights.
The 5 Key Sleep Factors Every Mom Should Know
Before diving into the puzzle pieces that make up our best sleep foundations, let’s take a step back and pinpoint perhaps the most important thing you need to know. Your child’s sleep won’t ever be “perfect” – babies aren’t robots! Sometimes sleep will come easier and sometimes it’s just plain rough. It’s our job as parents to set our child up for their best rest possible and it’s up to the baby to actually sleep. It’s hard not to try to control every single element of our child’s day (of course we know that when they get their best sleep they are less crabby, happier little humans) but alas, there is only so much we can do. So what CAN we control in this situation?
As parents, we can control the Who, What, Where, When and How surrounding sleep times.
- The WHO – Who helps your baby fall asleep? Is it always you? A partner? A grandparent? A caregiver? Consistency is important, so work together to do the same things around sleep times so everyone is on the same page. It’s also important for other people to put your child down sometimes so your child doesn’t always need one specific person to go through the sleep routine and help overnight.
- The WHAT – What is sustainable for your family and what does a realistic sleep routine look like for your family? Every household has different needs.
- The WHERE – Where is your baby falling asleep? A crib? A bassinet? In your arms? Where do you WANT them to sleep? You are the one who decides where the best place to sleep is.
- The WHEN – When are we putting our babies down? Are we following wake windows or cues? Is your baby over or undertired? Understanding your baby’s ideal sleepy times will help tremendously when it comes to getting them to go down quickly.
- The HOW – How does your baby fall asleep? Rocking? Nursing? On the bottle? IIndependently? None of these things are wrong or bad! BUT if you find yourself rocking for an hour and feeling rage or upset, and you need or want a change, that’s when you may want to start exploring options. Remember – when babies wake between sleep cycles, they will likely want the same thing they had when they fell asleep.
Taking just five minutes to reflect on these questions can help you pinpoint small changes that might make a big difference in understanding where you are and where you want to go.
The Essential Puzzle Pieces of Sleep (And How to Use Them Today!)
Now, let’s get into the practical strategies. If your baby is struggling with sleep, focus on one or two of these adjustments at a time rather than trying to overhaul everything overnight.
- Routines: We’re talking about simple, predictable routines that happen in our wake windows (for example – an eat, play, sleep routine within each wake period). This allows you to largely take the guesswork out of your baby’s needs AND allows each of you to know what is coming next without questioning yourself. Further, babies thrive on predictability. Routines cue to our baby’s brain, “This means it is time for sleep”. Try an unchanging bedtime routine (e.g., bath, pajamas, feeding and a song). Keep it simple and consistent for best results.
- Baby’s Cues: Watch for early sleep signs like rubbing eyes, zoning out, or red eyebrows. Putting baby down before they’re overtired makes sleep easier. For example, if your child shows you a cue but it’s not quite the time you saw on your wake window chart, FOLLOW YOUR BABY! They are showing you that they are tired. I always tell clients – don’t wait for your baby to start fussing, this is too late. When you see a cue, get your baby to their sleep space and start your nap or bedtime routine.
- Ideal Sleep Environment: We know that human beings get their best sleep in cool, dark areas. Your baby’s room should be between 68-72 degrees and if possible, you should be using blackout shades to limit the amount of light coming into through the window or under the door. We know that only 1 lux of light can stimulate cortisol (the “awake” hormone) so it’s ideal to keep the room as dark as possible. Ambient noise (white, brown, pink noise, ocean waves – the choice is yours) helps by blocking out external noises that might wake the baby while creating a consistent sound that cues sleep.
Important: The note on darkness for naps applies mainly to babies over 2-3 months of age. For newborns, we can still use things like swaddles and sound machines, but we actually want to allow them to nap in the daytime light so they start to understand the differences between day and night. Daytime should be bright and lively – nighttime dark and quiet.
- Wake Windows: Wake windows are the wake periods babies have in between naps. We know that babies are able to stay up for certain amounts of time before they get tired again – and it’s imperative that we know this data point for our baby’s age group. If your baby fights naps or bedtime, they might be under or overtired. Here’s a quick cheat sheet for age-appropriate awake times in each wake window.
- 0-3 months: 45-90 minutes
- 4-6 months: 1.5-2.5 hours
- 7-10 months: 2.5-3.5 hours
- 11+ months: 3-4 hours
The most important thing to know here is that wake windows are averages and they can change throughout the day! I find that for most babies, the first wake window is the shortest of the day and depending on nap lengths, they can slowly stretch a little bit longer or stay stagnant as the day goes on. Play a detective and watch your baby’s cues to determine when your baby’s ideal sleep times are and write them down for a week. You may start to see patterns in the time they are awake for and then how long they sleep for.
BIG misconception: The longer you can keep a baby awake for, the longer they sleep for. This is just not true! If we miss cues and the baby stays up too long, they will hit their “second wind” and release cortisol. In this situation, you actually may see a baby who is harder to put down and a shorter, 20 minute nap or a “false start” as a result.
- Total Sleep Needs: Some babies need more sleep than others. Check if baby is getting enough total sleep in 24 hours:
- 0-3 months: 14-17 hours
- 4-6 months: 12-16 hours
- 7-12 months: 11-15 hours
- Sleep Associations: If your baby needs rocking or nursing every time to fall asleep, start slowly scaffolding back by reducing your involvement a little at a time (e.g., shorter rocking time intervals, picking up and putting down again when calm).
I’d also like you to focus on things you can use as associations outside of the parent. Positive sleep associations that are easy to use are things like turning down the blinds and pulling the blackout curtains when you enter the nursery, turning on the sound machine together, putting on a sleep sack or swaddle, singing a familiar song – ALL of these cue the brain without you having to do anything TO put your child to sleep with the added benefit that most of these things will be there when the child wakes within sleep cycles.
- Response Strategies: Find an approach that feels right for you. Some moms feel comfortable with gentle sleep shaping, while others need a structured sleep training plan. There’s no one-size-fits-all—trust your instincts and ask for help. Sometimes having a trained expert help you through that change is all you need for success.
Become a Detective and Put the Puzzle Pieces Together
If you’ve been stuck in the cycle of trying every tip on the internet and still feeling like nothing is working, you are not failing. Baby sleep isn’t about finding one magic solution—it’s about understanding what works for your baby and adjusting as they grow.
The biggest takeaway? Give yourself grace. Finding what works best takes time and a boatload of patience. Some nights will be tough. Some naps will be a struggle. But with a strong foundation and understanding that there is no losing, you can move forward with confidence, knowing you’re setting your baby up for success.
So tonight, take a deep breath. Make one small adjustment. And know that better sleep is possible—without the stress of chasing perfection.
Want More Sleep Support?
Having the right tools can make all the difference, we’ve put together a curated Amazon shopping list featuring our top recommended sleep training products for both mom and baby—from white noise machines to swaddles to the coziest sleepwear. Check it out [here] and set yourself up for smoother, more restful nights.
Because better sleep isn’t just for baby—it’s for you too.
FAQs
See below for answers to the most frequently asked questions on this topic!
- What are effective sleep training methods for infants?
There’s no one-size-fits-all sleep training method, and what works best depends on your baby’s temperament and your parenting style. If your baby is struggling with sleep, focus on small adjustments rather than trying to overhaul everything at once.
- Gentle Sleep Shaping: If you prefer a no-tears approach, consider making gradual changes like adjusting bedtime routines, reducing rocking time before sleep, or introducing independent sleep associations like a white noise machine or sleep sack.
- Structured Sleep Training: Some parents opt for more structured methods, such as the Ferber Method (gradual check-ins) or the Chair Method (gradually moving away while baby learns to self-soothe).
- Flexible Approach: Regardless of the method, consistency is key! Finding a sustainable sleep routine that works for your family will make all the difference.
The biggest takeaway? If a method is causing you frustration or isn’t sustainable, it’s okay to explore other options. There’s no “right way”—only what works best for you and your baby.
- Is it safe for my baby to sleep on their side?
The safest sleep position for babies is on their back until they are able to roll over independently. According to safe sleep guidelines, babies should be placed on a firm mattress, in a crib or bassinet with no loose bedding, pillows, or stuffed animals.
If your baby naturally rolls to their side or tummy on their own, there’s no need to reposition them—just ensure they are in a safe sleep environment. For newborns, daytime naps in a well-lit room can help establish circadian rhythms, while nighttime sleep should be in a dark, cool, and quiet space to reinforce sleep cues.
- How can I create a safe sleep environment for my baby?
A safe and sleep-friendly environment is key to helping your baby get restful sleep. Here are a few important factors to consider:
- Temperature: Keep the room between 68-72°F for optimal comfort.
- Darkness: Use blackout shades to limit light exposure—only 1 lux of light can stimulate cortisol and disrupt sleep!
- Sound: White noise, brown noise, or ocean waves can block external noises and provide a consistent sleep cue.
- Safe Sleep Surface: A firm mattress in a crib or bassinet, with no extra bedding or plush toys, is the safest choice.
- Day vs. Night Cues: For newborns, allow naps in natural daylight and save darkness for nighttime sleep to help establish day/night differentiation.
By setting up the right sleep environment, you create cues that help your baby fall and stay asleep more easily.
- When can I expect my baby to sleep through the night?
Every baby is different, and sleep patterns vary widely. While some babies start sleeping longer stretches around 4-6 months, others take longer. Here are some general guidelines:
- Newborns (0-3 months): Wake frequently (every 2-4 hours) for feeding, with total sleep around 14-17 hours per day.
- 4-6 months: Some babies start sleeping 6-8 hour stretches, but others still wake 1-2 times per night.
- 7-12 months: Longer sleep stretches (8+ hours) are more common, with total sleep needs around 11-15 hours per day.
One big misconception is that keeping a baby awake longer will help them sleep longer—this often backfires, leading to overtiredness and more disrupted sleep. Instead, watch for wake windows and cues to put baby down at their ideal sleepy times.
- What are common mistakes that can disrupt my baby’s sleep?
Many sleep struggles come from missed cues, overtiredness, or inconsistent routines. Here are a few common mistakes to watch for:
- Waiting too long to put baby down: Babies have subtle tired cues (zoning out, red eyebrows, rubbing eyes). If you wait until fussing starts, it may be too late!
- Inconsistent routines: Babies thrive on predictability. A simple, consistent bedtime routine (e.g., bath, pajamas, feeding, song) cues their brain for sleep.
- Over-reliance on parent-dependent sleep associations: If your baby relies on rocking, nursing, or bottle-feeding to fall asleep, they may struggle when they wake between sleep cycles. Start introducing independent sleep cues like sound machines or sleep sacks to help.
- Overtiredness: If baby is awake too long, they release cortisol (the stress hormone), making it harder to fall and stay asleep. Watch wake windows and adjust bedtime as needed.
By making small adjustments to sleep routines and being mindful of sleep cues, you can help your baby get more restful sleep—and in turn, get some much-needed rest yourself.