I recently worked with a mom who has a really cute and mostly happy 4 year old daughter. Mom describes her as being a true delight.
Most of the time she is easy going, friendly and helpful and mom enjoys being with her.
When we talked about what she struggles with as a parent mom shared with me she has a really hard time dealing with her own emotions while trying to stay calm and help her daughter navigate her big emotions.
Mom shared her mostly loving daughter is also highly sensitive and sometimes her emotions can be unpredictable. She can be happy one moment and sad or angry the next.
It’s so hard for this mom because when her daughter is unhappy she is very intense in her reactions and as mom puts it, “a lot of energy goes into expressing her emotions.”
Mom wants to be a loving, kind and patient parent but when her 4 year old gets upset mom quickly reacts. She feels her daughter’s response is beyond what’s necessary and her behavior is out of control.
The next thing you know, mom gets overwhelmed and irritated with her. She gets impatient with her daughter and ultimately feels bad that she ends up yelling at her little one (and sometimes punishes her), but this is mom’s quick go-to response.
She wants the behavior to stop! It’s hard for her to handle these intense negative emotions in her daughter.
The reality is we all have emotions.
Some of us are comfortable with our feelings and some of us are uncomfortable with anything of the sort, and especially so around other’s emotions.
When emotions come up it’s common to feel anxious and insecure.
Learning to accept and value your own emotions while guiding your children to value and be comfortable sharing their emotions is not always easy … but it’s important!
Research has found that children who are raised in a family where emotions are valued, respected and talked about do better in so many ways. These children:
- Trust their feelings
- Form stronger friendships
- Do better in school
- Handle their moods better
- Bounce back from emotional events quicker
Kids feel valued and comforted when all their emotions are accepted.
At the same time, it’s important for them to learn that there are limits on their behavior when they have strong emotions.
In my private coaching with this mom we had many meaningful conversations about her feelings around her emotions.
We explored her childhood and how she was parented and how she brings meaning form her past into her parenting today.
We identified her parenting style and I taught this wonderful mom how to become more aware of her emotions and helped her to understand her emotions better so she can better meet her needs and her daughters needs in the heat of the moment.
As our coaching work together goes on we continue to explore her struggles with parenting, we talk about feelings that come up for her and we reinforce coping skills for mom and her daughter for when emotions run high.
Mom has applied what she has learned to her parenting and as a result she is much less anxious about emotional outbursts when they do come up.
In fact, she notices her own feelings more now in all areas of her life and recognizes them for what they are, just feelings!
She can now be more caring and empathize with her daughters feelings when they come up and is really doing great beginning to nurture her daughters emotional development.
If you find yourself struggling to parent differently, or need support implementing new positive parenting strategies, you are not alone.
Changing patterns of behavior is hard and it can be confusing to try new things.
Parent coaching will provide you with the learning, support, and encouragement you need to help you get clear about your parenting and begin to make practical, long lasting changes.
If you can relate to any of this mom’s situation and want to learn more about how I can help you, or if you want to schedule a free phone conversation to see if my work is right for your family, please email me at hayley@heartofconnecting.com