But HOW DO WE DO THIS?
First, I’d like to ask you a question.
What type of experiences have you had that you’ve noticed have lowered your confidence?
a. When someone says “you should ______”
b. When you see another baby doing something your baby isn’t yet doing?
c. When you feel guilty?
d. When you see another new mom who appears to have everything under control?
e. SOCIAL MEDIA!
In order to embrace our new identity with confidence, we first need to understand what it is that’s lowering our confidence in the first place. When we can identify this, we can start to make a change.
Here’s 3 actions you can take to help you overcome feelings of inadequacy and gain your confidence in motherhood.
Set yourself some social media boundaries.
First up, stop following accounts that increase your anxiety and cause you to compare yourself to others. Remember, comparison is the thief of joy! Next up, consider removing certain apps from your phone or try and limit the amount of time you spend scrolling. You can log on innocently wanting to see some cute pictures of your friends and then you stumble upon a post that throws you down a rabbit hole and ruins the rest of your day!
Develop a coping mechanism for unsolicited advice.
There will be an infinite amount of unsolicited advice in parenthood! Some is good… some not so much. Once someone has given you a piece of advice, assess how it makes you feel. If you feel that person’s advice is helpful, great! If you feel it isn’t right for you, kindly say “Thank you, I will take that into consideration” and do your best to move on. If it doesn’t feel right for you, recognize your mommy instinct kicked in and feel good about that. Be mindful of the people in your life you value advice from and remind yourself of those people when hearing advice from others.
Give your body and mind some grace.
Our bodies change after baby. While growing the baby, our bodies provided everything the baby needed, including weight gain. Your body needs time to adjust to its new state, so resist any urge to over exert yourself and instead take small steps that will help you feel good and energized. Be kind to yourself. You aren’t able to do everything you could do before having a baby, and you’re not meant to! Re-prioritize your lists and know that over time you will be able to add more things back to the list. This isn’t how it’s going to be forever. Your baby needs you more than the housework does, so give yourself credit for doing such a great job and never apologize for things you haven’t been able to get to!
And finally, if you are feeling overwhelmed right now, a few gentle reminders:
You do not have to suffer alone.
You do not need to “have it all together”.
We are not meant to raise babies alone.
If you feel you are having a hard time coping with the adjustment of having a new baby and need extra support, come and join our New Mom School complimentary Postpartum Adjustment Support Group.
Our support group meets weekly via Zoom at 2pm on Tuesdays where many new moms come along to have all of their questions answered and challenges addressed. Our groups are lead by Shira Kfir who is a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in women’s mental health and the postpartum period.
Our groups are always led with an abundance of care, support, nurture and always without any judgment. The group is complimentary but pre-registration (via our website) is required.