Here are three perspective shifts that can allow you more room to breathe, more freedom to relax in your own skin, and permission to truly honor yourself this Mother’s Day.
Invite yourself to the table.
While being a mother is filled with unmatched joy and beauty, it can also feel overwhelming and heavy at times, with a lot of invisible labor. When Mother’s Day finally rolls around, it can feel SO good to be seen, acknowledged and appreciated by the people around us. Allow yourself to embrace this: you don’t have to feel shy about celebrating!
And. Sometimes, Mother’s Day can feel like a frenzy to cram in all of the celebration and “selfishness” in one day. Consider how appreciated and cared for you feel throughout the rest of the year, and think about the ways your needs have maybe taken a backseat. In some seasons of parenting, there will be a lot of giving, yes. But maybe the extent to which we demand selflessness from mothers is a bit too extreme. Invite yourself and your needs to have a seat at the table. Not just on Mother’s Day, but everyday.
Remember what matters.
Pause and remember what really matters to you, as a parent, and as a whole person. The more closely we live in alignment with our core values, the more fulfilled we feel. Although this sounds way less exciting than brunch or a spa day, taking time to reflect on your parenting journey can add a kind of sacredness to Mother’s Day.
Here’s an exercise that can help guide you: write down your top 10 values (ie balance, friendship, nature, faith, etc.). It can be helpful to google a list of values for more ideas. Once you have your 10, narrow down the list to your top 2-3 values. (This part can be hard, I know. When I first did this exercise myself, it took me weeks to narrow it down.) Notice how your life reflects these top 2-3 values. How closely are you living in alignment with what really matters to you? If there are any areas of your life that bring up tension, gently give yourself the permission to pivot.
Stop being so hard on yourself.
We all know we’re supposed to be kinder to ourselves, but why is the self-compassion message so hard to internalize? Especially as a mom.
Instead of jumping right to the self-compassion part of the conversation, I’d like to take a minute to acknowledge the inner critic inside all of us. The one who tends to get loud when we make a mistake, the one who blames us or accuses us of failing. I sometimes call her an inner drill sergeant: she notices every imperfection and inconsistency and has no problem pointing it out.
Before trying to force kindness on ourselves when it doesn’t feel genuine, let’s get curious about our inner critic and what her angle is. Where did she come from? What is she try to protect me from? Is it possible she might be trying to help in some way? Is it possible she is worn out from her role as drill sergeant? Sometimes getting some dialogue going with our inner critic can help open up space for curiosity and understanding. And it’s hard to be harsh with ourselves if we are feeling genuinely curious.
We are all a work in progress trying our best to show up for our families and ourselves. Pick a perspective shift that resonates with what you need in this season, and try it on for size.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Christina specializes in perinatal mental health, and provides therapy in Las Vegas for mothers navigating the major shift into parenthood. She has been a therapist for 10 years and is also a mom to a little one of her own. Her practice focuses on supporting moms in their own growth and healing, during pregnancy, postpartum and all throughout the parenting journey.