Before I became a mom, I read all the books, downloaded all the apps, and stocked up on all the “must-have” gear. I thought I was ready. And in many ways, I was. But nothing—nothing—can fully prepare you for the raw, beautiful, life-altering journey of motherhood.
There’s so much I wish I had known before stepping into this new identity. Not because I would’ve done anything differently, but because a little perspective might’ve softened the edges of those first few months. If you’re reading this and you’re about to become a mom (or you just became one), consider this my heart-to-heart with you. Here’s what I wish someone had gently whispered to me:
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Breastfeeding doesn’t always come naturally, and that’s okay.
We often hear that breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world. But for many moms (myself included), it’s anything but easy. The latch struggles, the pain, the uncertainty of whether your baby is getting enough—it can feel overwhelming. It’s okay to need help. It’s ok to prefer to pump. It’s okay to choose formula. It’s okay to combo feed. And it’s certainly okay to grieve the experience you hoped for. Feeding your baby with love, however that looks, is what truly matters.
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The bond isn’t always instant, and love can grow.
I thought I’d feel an overwhelming rush of love the moment I held my baby. That’s what we see in movies and what people often post about on social media, right? But instead, I found myself looking at my husband—completely enamored with our baby—and wondering, “Why don’t I feel that yet? Is something wrong with me?” The truth is, my bond didn’t happen instantly. It grew with time. And that’s more common than most people talk about. Sometimes love begins quietly—a sense of responsibility, a gentle protectiveness—and then slowly blooms into something fierce and deeply rooted. If you’re not feeling that magical connection right away, you’re not alone. Give yourself time. Be gentle with your heart. Love has a way of growing stronger with every passing day. My daughter turns three this summer, and I smile thinking about how much I worried in those early days. We are now deeply bonded—and truthfully, I might be just a little obsessed with her.
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“Sleep when the baby sleeps” isn’t always realistic.
I can’t tell you how many times I heard this advice. But what no one tells you is that sometimes when the baby sleeps, you’re wide awake, processing everything you’ve just been through. Or you’re washing bottles, folding laundry, or just catching your breath. Real rest is complicated in those early weeks, and rest doesn’t always mean sleep. Maybe a better phrase is “rest when the baby sleeps, unwind when the baby sleeps.” Consider including your baby in your daily activities—babywearing while you tidy up or preparing meals with your baby nearby—so that when your baby naps, you can take that time to pause, even if it doesn’t mean closing your eyes. Give yourself grace and redefine what rest looks like for you. It might be ten quiet minutes with a cup of tea, a warm shower, catching up on the last episode of Real Housewives, or simply not having to do anything at all.
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The newborn stage is just a season—short, sweet, and messy.
It’s intense. It’s emotional. It’s exhausting. But it’s also fleeting. The days feel endless, but the weeks fly. One day you’ll wake up and your baby won’t be a newborn anymore. You’ll miss the way they curled into your chest or the tiny squeaks they made at 3 a.m. Try to savor what you can, but don’t feel guilty for struggling through it too. Both things can be true. I promise it will get easier.
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Needing support, especially for your mental health, doesn’t make you weak.
There’s this silent pressure that says, “If you were really meant to be a mom, you wouldn’t be feeling this way.” That couldn’t be further from the truth. The transition into motherhood is enormous—physically, emotionally, spiritually. It’s okay to not feel okay. It’s okay to talk to someone. You are no less of a mother for seeking support. In fact, it’s one of the bravest things you can do.
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Protecting your peace matters more than pleasing others.
In those early weeks, everyone has opinions. Everyone wants to visit, hold the baby, give advice. But your healing, your rest, your bonding time—those come first. You don’t owe anyone access to your home or your energy. It’s okay to say no. Boundaries are not rude. They’re necessary. And protecting your peace is one of the best gifts you can give yourself and your baby.
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You might feel an identity shift, and that’s completely normal.
Becoming a mom is one of the most transformative things you’ll ever experience. It’s not just about adding a baby to your life; it’s about becoming someone new. You might feel moments of grief for your old self, even as you fall in love with this new version of you. That doesn’t make you ungrateful—it makes you human. Give yourself space to evolve, to rediscover who you are, and to honor all the versions of yourself along the way.
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Community matters more than you realize.
Motherhood was never meant to be done alone. Having a village—a community of other moms who get it—can be the difference between surviving and thriving. Whether it’s someone to text at 2 a.m., a circle of moms to laugh and cry with, or a space where you feel seen and supported, community matters. That’s what inspired me to open New Mom School Los Gatos: to have a postpartum support group and create a space where moms can connect, feel seen, and know they’re not walking this path alone.
If you’re in this season now, know this: You’re not alone.
You were made for this, even on the days it doesn’t feel like it. And the things that feel hard now? They will soften. You will grow. And one day, you’ll be the one gently whispering to another new mom, “You’re doing better than you think.”
Warmly,
Riya, Owner of New Mom School Los Gatos